![]() I suppose this guy here is supposed to be our framing device, giving us an introduction to the stories and the moral. We open up on what looks like a southern country farm. Wait, was Photoshop a thing back in 1998? Well, fuck, then! And I just love the cheap Photoshop title card. Well, maybe it's like sarcastic or something and they don't really mean it. "Why don't they go away?" You do know that a theme song is supposed to advertise the show, right? And make it, like, very appealing to the audience? "Dorbees - Why don't they go away?" I'm trying to think how this makes any sort of sense. Pokémon - "Gotta catch 'em all!", Captain Planet - "He's a hero!", Dorbees. But let's talk about the theme song itself. We might get an explanation for them, but I doubt it. But each of these snippets comes from the actual episode that we'll be watching. ![]() ![]() a fucking cow.Upon first glance, this might seem like unadulterated nonsense, and to tell you the truth, it is. There's a small guy floating up and backwards, disco seizure lights, a. If this was live action, you'd be able to see the people's pores! The characters are constantly filling the screen and it gets very uncomfortable, like they're right in your face! But ignoring all of that, what the hell are we actually watching? Half of the time the camera is way too close to someone's face. But what really gets me is the camera framing. And we can even add the aforementioned VeggieTales to the mix. I know that this is a lower budget kind of thing, so I'm not expecting Toy Story, but this here is what CGI animation looked like in 1985! And even ignoring that, Beast Wars came out two years before this. If you're wondering, this was made in 1998. Okay, yes, but what are they?! They look like little monsters that are going to eat my face! I don't know how they made spheres look. Oh my God, what the fuck are those things!? Hey, do you want to speak up? I can't hear you over the music! And trust me, I don't need to hear this music! It's been used in literally every amateur space scene ever. Voice: And in the panorama that is the unseen beyond the secret world of the insect, beyond the atoms that form the grass they hide behind. We're in for something big with this royalty-free music, aren't we? Oh, by the way, I hope that Comic-Sans doesn't piss you off, because there's a lot of text in this thing, and it's all in Comic-Sans. Voice: In the beginning, God created heavens and the earth. I watched this three times and we're on the level of Tentacolino or My Life Me. All of this is sprinkled on top of one of the most incoherent stories that I've ever seen. It's a strange little monstrosity filled with some of the cheapest 3D animation that you will ever see. They made a thing called Gaither's Pond, which I might get to in the future, but this is undoubtedly the worst. ![]() Now I think that this is the Gaithers' first attempt at animation. If they didn't do that at all, I wouldn't be able to tell that this had anything to do with religion. Also, as far as religion goes, they mention the Bible like three times and that's it. For example, VeggieTales, which this is clearly trying to rip off, is really good. I know that alternative religious products have a very shoddy reputation, but not everything explicitly made to show religion or use religious themes is bad or cheaply made. This means that, yeah, this is our first religious atrocity. But it still has music from the Gaithers' vocal band. Well, more specifically, the son of one of the members. What you're seeing is an animation from the late 90's that was supposed to kickstart a short video series made by a Christian gospel group, the Gaithers. What are you talking about? We haven't taken any drugs yet! Jim? I think that taking those drugs was a really bad idea. Hey anyway, check this out! Listen to this! full! You know what I'm sayin'? Anyway you probably don't wanna talk about corn fritters or nothin' like that. Don't you? Just somethin' 'bout corn fritters, man, it just makes you feel. Flec: (.) fresh from the belly naval lint! You know what? I just love corn fritters.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |